i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
