Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
