This is not my ceiling
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
