You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Randomize
