You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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