checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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