this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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