Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize