Cold hands, warm shart.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
