You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
