I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
