whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The Olympian is in my bed
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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