wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
