what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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