i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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