All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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