Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
