He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
