The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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