we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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