Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
