You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You are the jesus of drinking
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
