I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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