I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
