He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
