Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
