i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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