You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
