after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
