I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
