am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
