I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
