I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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