Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
