the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
