just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
