**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
how does that bad decision feel?
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