Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
