I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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