i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
