So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
