Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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