my soul wont recognize me after tonight
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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