Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
