I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
