did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How does one acquire holy water?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
