i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
