No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
