Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
