I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
