i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
