I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
