one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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