Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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