Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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