I cockslap morals
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
