I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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