I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
