i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
