I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
