just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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