I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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