i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
