if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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