If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm just crazy horny about you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
