Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
