the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
