yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
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my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
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I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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