He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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