I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
