420 ftw
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
