I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
