I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
