I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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