Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
