Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
