i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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