I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
