i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i wish my penis had a tongue
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
