next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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