The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
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As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
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Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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