Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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