Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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