In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
be right there i have to get my cape
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
